The First Time (2012)

Dave: "She's got this thing about her carpet. The way the sunlight hits it at a certain point in the afternoon."

By Jon Kasdan
With Britt Robertson, Dylan O'Brien, James Frecheville

The First Time is a film I wanted to see out of curiosity about the current state of the Hollywood romcom. I wanted something light and frivolous and preferably humorous. I thought this film would fit all the criteria and while it was light and frivolous, it wasn't humorous in the least. I'm surprised it managed to get the funding and even be produced as a film--it has nothing new to say, nothing remarkable, and the characters are both unrealistic and forgettable.

Highschooler Aubrey Miller, a "creative" type girl, meets the love struck Dave in a party one weekend. Dave is deeply in love with a girl he'll never get, and as he whines to Aubrey about this, Aubrey stuns him with her witty remarks and bright optimism. Naturally he has to walk her back to her place, where she sneaks him into her bedroom. Her bedroom is gorgeous--with Aubrey's art all over the walls, and pretentious music playing from her vinyl player. They spend the night spooning on the floor near her bed, and in the morning he has to unceremoniously jump out the window to prevent being caught by Aubrey's parents. Thus begins their friendship which everyone knows will eventually evolve into a relationship--even though Aubrey has an obnoxious boyfriend, Ron.

How can I list the issues I had with this film? Was it the epic boredom I felt watching the two characters interact? In a Friends episode, someone once says, "Whenever I hear them open their mouths, all I can hear is Blah Blah Blah". This is exactly how I felt when seeing them converse. Not a single conversation felt genuine to me, and I was painfully aware that these were actors and actresses getting paid to depict a story that isn't worth being retold.

Perhaps the only positive thing in this film was its attempt at addressing the very real issue surrounding the awkwardness of a first sexual encounter, and showing how perhaps one of the real keys to anything fulfilling is allowing for second chances, practice, and trust. But I didn't think it needed to take a one and a  half hour film to get that simple point across.

And why were all the characters wearing so much makeup? Nobody wears so much makeup just to go to school! And no high school kid unless they are extremely wealthy (which the characters in this film aren't) drive and own such expensive cars at that age. And what was with the token "racial diversity" (the very noticeable ONE black guy friend and the British friend who sat and passed judgement to Dave and didn't really help or contribute to the story line in any way?) I know this wasn't supposed to be a film for cinephiles or something like that, but it couldn't have harmed to give it just a little more depth. Everyone was so painfully shallow and everything was so hip and "ironic" that the whole endeavor just seemed trivial.

My advice? If you want to watch a romcom that doesn't feel like you're swallowing artificially produced food, stick to Meg Ryan films.

I liked: One of the themes, and the quote about the warm carpets was rather endearing.

I disliked: Mostly everything.

40/100
Won't make you fall asleep, but will have you wishing you had.